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The Whole Works
By Louise Baltruschat Hollis
Photos by Alexa Poppe Photography
Wedding speeches, who gives them, when to do them and in what order?
Well, I’m here to give you the lowdown, as well as share some alternative and unconventional options to ensure your day is unique to you as well as with the times.
Then I will share my top wedding speech tips and advice on writing the perfect wedding speech.
Photo: Kristian Leven via London Warehouse Wedding
Traditionally, and I say this tentatively as we live in the 21st century, after all, the following wedding party members give speeches in the following order:
But and this is a big but, there are no rules when it comes to who makes a wedding speech or in which order.
It’s also worth remembering that not everyone has a father or father figure in their life, not all weddings have grooms or best men. So these roles may not fit with your day.
But that’s absolutely fine, it’s your day so it should be celebrated in your own unique style.
Photo: Bowl Of Corks via Bridal Barn Wedding
Egalitarian weddings bucking patriarchal traditions, will also hopefully include brides and bridesmaids in speeches too.
These people can make a wedding speech too:
Photo: Stephanie Butt via Coton House Farm Wedding
If someone doesn’t want to make a wedding speech or feels uncomfortable doing so, don’t force them to make one. Let them enjoy your day and take away that speech stress.
You could well find something else special on the day to be involved, or suggest they record a speech beforehand to play on video or a slideshow if they have nerves.
You may have a loved one who is gagging to get up and say a few words, if you’re happy for them to do so, let them. Don’t sweat about tradition and shake things up a little.
Just be sure to think about your wedding timeline and your guests’ enjoyment, you won’t want speeches that last for hours when a party is waiting to begin.
If you need to decline their speech offer, don’t feel bad. Simply respond kindly and honestly. For example:
Thank you for your kind offer, we’re keeping the speeches simple so we can get on with the party. But I’d love for you to be involved in another way, would you like to do [enter task here] at all?
Photo: James Merrick Photography via Cheswell Grange Wedding
When it comes to writing a speech, speak from a place of truth and heart. As a guide follow this order:
A short and sweet hello, share your name and relationship with the newlyweds, or that you are the bride/groom.
You could mention how you met or how long you’ve been a part of each other’s lives. It’s fun to reference newly married titles and new names too. That usually gets a few whoops of excitement!
Photo: Aurora Grey Photography via Norfolk Barn Wedding
Thank guests’ for coming along, and individually thank those that have helped with wedding planning and give out any gifts.
A lovely way to personalise your speech is to share a sweet anecdote or story that your guests may not know. Be cautious about sharing anything that may embarrass the couple or any guests.
Family members, welcome your new family member(s) to the fold.
Photo: Lyra and Moth via Abbey House Gardens Wedding
Don’t force jokes into your wedding speech. Cheesy jokes may not come across well and you want to be authentic.
If you are naturally a joker and it’s a part of your personality it may work well. But don’t feel like you have to make guests laugh with a special one-liner. Be natural.
Photo: Andrew Brannan Photography via British Nigerian Wedding
You could mention how lovely the couple/wedding party look or how wonderful a part of the day has been.
To round up your wedding speech make a toast to your new husband/wife or the happy couple and ask guests to raise their glasses.
Photo: Wyldbee Photography via Industrial Derbyshire Wedding
Photo: Fiona Kelly Photography via South London Wedding
You could team up to do a speech with another person, or think about cross-referencing your speech with other speech givers to ensure yours is unique.
Don’t feel like you need to write an essay or speak for a long time. Concise but heartfelt words will mean more than a long waffle.
Aim for a speech that lasts around 5 minutes but no more than 10 minutes. You want to keep guests engaged and enjoying what you’re saying.
Photo: Emily & Steve Photography via South Downs Barn Wedding
Avoid talking about taboo subjects or any references or stories that may embarrass anyone in your wedding speech. A wedding is not the time for this, save these for appropriate occasions.
Keep talk of party antics or exes away from a wedding speech or any crude jokes. Any chat about the couples’ relationship woes or bets on their future is not a good approach.
Don’t swear and keep the language as well as subject matter appropriate for all ages in attendance.
Photo: Faye Green Photo via Church Hall Wedding
Don’t go overboard on alcohol before the speech. Look after yourself, stay hydrated, eat well and calm your nerves by doing these:
Photo: Jess Soper Photography via Red Brick Barn Wedding
Be sure to fully prepare your speech beforehand with plenty of time in advance. Write out the wedding speech by hand, create a printout or cue cards or read from a phone/tablet.
Practice in front of a trusted friend/family member and ask for their honest feedback. Time how long the speech is and adjust where necessary.
Photo: John Wellings via Woodhouse Barn Wedding
Most weddings have speeches following the wedding meal. However, you can shake up your wedding timeline.
You could have a speech at these times instead:
Sometimes it works well to do wedding speeches earlier as the speech givers can get them out of the way so they can relax and enjoy their meal to the full.
Photo: Alice Cunliffe Photography via Happy Valley Wedding
No, you don’t have to have wedding speeches. There is no rule about wedding speeches, it’s your day, so you do as you please.
Photo: Leah Lombardi via Preston Priory Barn Wedding
So there we have my ultimate guide to wedding speeches, who gives speeches, in what order wedding speeches happen and just how to write the perfect wedding speech. Hopefully, you're now fully clued up and ready to organise and write your wedding speeches!
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