Kids at weddings: should you invite them and how to make it work (or not)

One of the first decisions couples face when planning their wedding is whether to invite kids. Children can bring something special to the event and might even have their own roles as ring bearers or flower girls, but they also come with extra planning considerations. 

There’s no right or wrong answer. It’s your wedding after all, so whether you want an adults-only party or a family-friendly affair, the choice is yours. Let’s explore the pros and cons, how to communicate ‘no kids’ politely, and ways to appease everyone, whatever you decide. 

The case for a child-free wedding

Child-free weddings make particular sense for evening receptions, formal affairs, destination weddings, or age-restricted venues. They can also be more appealing to those planning an intimate gathering, working within budget constraints, or envisioning a party that runs late into the night. 

Adult-only celebrations can feel more refined and relaxed. From the photography to the beauty, hair, and makeup, weddings can be busy. No matter how lovely the little ones are, kids can introduce unpredictability at what are, after all, highly choreographed events. Fewer distractions mean a more sophisticated atmosphere where guests can savour each moment and the event can run smoothly without the risk of an ill-timed wail during the vows. 

It’s not just the couple who benefit, either. Between feeding, nappy changing, and pacifying the occasional strop, parents attending with little ones can find themselves distracted. Without wandering toddlers, guests can fully enjoy themselves, drinking, socialising, and letting loose on the dancefloor. 

Practically speaking, child-free weddings are often easier to plan and more budget-friendly, too. You’ll have fewer meals and a shorter guest list, helping you save on catering and venue costs. You won’t need to plan kids’ entertainment or meals either. 

The case for inviting children to your wedding

Kids bring energy to celebrations. Daytime weddings, outdoor venues, and casual receptions create a child-friendly atmosphere that’s fun for everyone. 

For couples with children of their own or kids from previous relationships, having them there can also feel essential. 

Children also just bring joy. There’s something special about flower girls giggling down the aisle and toddlers showing off their dance moves. Unscripted moments like these often become some of the most cherished memories years later – and some of the cutest wedding photos. 

For many couples, a wedding isn’t just the union of two people, but of entire families – including the youngsters. Many couples compromise by inviting the children of close family and sending clear adults-only invites to others. 

Beyond the wholesome atmosphere, including children can help you avoid awkwardness. Many couples choose to invite children simply because not inviting them can cause conflicts. Guests won’t need to stress about finding babysitters or missing your celebration because they can’t arrange childcare. This can be especially reassuring for those travelling from afar or staying overnight. 

How to say no to kids at your wedding

While not wanting children at your wedding is perfectly understandable, it can be tricky to tell parents. But there are a few things you can do to avoid awkward conversations. 

Clarity is the best policy here. Invitations should be addressed to adults only, including a short note that explains your decision: 

• Use firm but polite statements like “we respectfully request no children at the ceremony and reception” or “please join us for an adults-only celebration”.
• Include an explanation, such as “Although we adore your children, we’re keeping the wedding adults-only for a more intimate celebration. We hope you can enjoy a night off!”. 
• Be clear and transparent. If you’re inviting close family children, you might add something like “while we love your little ones, we can only accommodate our flower girls and page boys”. 
• Send save-the-dates early, allowing parents plenty of time to plan babysitters.
• Avoid vague phrases – “we can’t wait to see you all there” might imply you’re inviting the entire household. 
• Speak to parents directly or ask trusted others to spread the message if you’re worried they might not understand. 

Things to consider if you do invite kids

If you do want children at your wedding, there are a few things you can consider to make the day more enjoyable for everyone: 

Ages and number of children

Start by determining how many children are attending and how old they are. A few school-aged kids will have different requirements compared to a dozen toddlers. 

Venue selection

Once you know how many kids you’re inviting, you can think about child-friendly venues. Asking the venue how they accommodate kids is the easiest way to plan for peace of mind. Outdoor venues can be great for kids to run around, whereas indoor venues with open staircases and abundant breakables might be more challenging. 

Kids’ meals and seating

Children don’t need the five-course tasting menu. Pizza, fish fingers, and burgers are trusty, kid-friendly favourites you can serve before the adults’ main course, if possible. Don’t forget to ask parents about any allergies or dietary needs, too. High chairs, boosters, napkins, and plastic crockery keep everyone happy and free from stains. 

Keeping kids entertained

Kids are unpredictable at the best of times. But there are various things you can do to keep kids smiling and engaged at your wedding. 

• Family seating areas: Creating a space near the back for parents and their children lets them come and go discreetly as needed. 
• Kids’ corner: Setting up a designated space with children’s seating, books, toys, and puzzles means kids can entertain themselves, out of earshot from the main event. 
• Ceremony activities: Colouring books, snacks, and stickers keep children busy when you need quiet.
• Early meals: Serving kids’ meals before the mains allows parents to supervise them (and avoid hangry meltdowns). 
• Special roles for children: Having kids as flower girls, page boys, junior bridesmaids and groomsmen, letting them hand out the order of service and scatter petals, makes them feel included and lends a hand. 

Final thoughts

Whether you choose to invite children or have an adults-only wedding, the most important thing is that you’re comfortable on your special day. Family-friendly celebrations can be fun, lively affairs, but they’re not for everyone. Child-free weddings can be simpler, laid-back events, but they might require a delicate conversation with parents. 

Whatever you decide, clear communication and planning are key for managing your guests’ expectations. Remember: it’s your wedding day, and you get to choose who attends.

All images in this post are by wedissimo photographer Tony